shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
