I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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