Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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