I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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