Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
