Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
