I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
