New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
