I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize