Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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