shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize