You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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