I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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