When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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