Don't you send me to vm
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
