I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
