my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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