Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
