I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
