Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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