: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
