I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
