My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
