Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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