Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Actions speak louder than pants.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize