Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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