yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
