Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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