So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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