That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize