If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We have so much sex to catch up on
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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