somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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