My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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