Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Congratulations! We have a period
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
