My hand turned me down
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
