she was so not down for the gang bang
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
home. puking in laundry basket.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
