oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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