went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
