His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
