Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we made out on top of his cat.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
