a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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