You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
