I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
