you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize