Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
