Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize