did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
