How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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