We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
