I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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