I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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