people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I smell stomach acid.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
