This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
