My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
