But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize