Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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