I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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