I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
