I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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