Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
