I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize