his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
