Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
