I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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