Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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