Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
And then he peed in my hair
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