i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
